Finding Forever (Living Again #4) Read online

  Finding Forever

  Copyright © LL Collins 2014

  All Rights Reserved

  Cover Design by Kari Ayasha at Cover to Cover Designs

  www.covertocoverdesigns.com

  Interior Design by Angela McLaurin, Fictional Formats

  https://www.facebook.com/FictionalFormats

  Cover Models: Leland and Brittany Hertig

  No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, or by any information storage and retrieval system without the written permission of the author, except for the use of brief quotations in a book review.

  This book is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, and incidents either are products of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, events, or locales is entirely coincidental.

  Contact Author LL Collins

  [email protected]

  Twitter: @authorllcollins

  Facebook: https//www.facebook.com/llcollinsauthor

  Prologue

  Chapter 1

  Chapter 2

  Chapter 3

  Chapter 4

  Chapter 5

  Chapter 6

  Chapter 7

  Chapter 8

  Chapter 9

  Chapter 10

  Chapter 11

  Chapter 12

  Chapter 13

  Chapter 14

  Chapter 15

  Chapter 16

  Chapter 17

  Chapter 18

  Chapter 19

  Chapter 20

  Chapter 21

  Chapter 22

  Chapter 23

  Chapter 24

  Chapter 25

  Chapter 26

  Chapter 27

  Chapter 28

  Chapter 29

  Chapter 30

  Epilogue 1

  Epilogue 2

  Epilogue 3

  Epilogue 4

  Finding Forever Playlist

  Acknowledgements

  About the Author

  To D.K.

  I’m so blessed to be your friend. This is for you, love. You’re a real life miracle and an inspiration to so many.

  This book is based on true events. If you’ve met someone that has gone through this, then you’ve met one person that has taken this journey. Every story is different, just like every person is different. Every aspect has been told by someone that has lived it and survived to share it. The facts, as presented in this story, were true. Please know that it might not be the same journey as one that you have heard of or have lived through. That doesn’t make it untrue or not factual. Thank you for keeping this in mind while reading.

  This is a highly emotional story. If this isn’t your cup of tea, please don’t read it.

  If you purchased this book, thank you for your support. Please consider leaving a review at your point of purchase. All authors depend on their readers.

  If you received this book for free from a website that gives away author’s hard earned books, shame on you. It’s no different than pirating music or movies. If someone’s not getting paid, it was stolen. If you like getting your paycheck, then don’t take mine from me. Buy your books from an honest retailer, or check out your local library.

  Reading order for books: While each is a standalone novel, reading the others in the series is always recommended:

  #1- Living Again

  #2- Reaching Rachel

  #3- Guarding Hearts

  Coming Fall 2014

  Breaking Free: A Living Again Novella (Living Again #4.5)

  Look for a sneak peek in the back of this book

  ~Author LL Collins

  Lacey sat next to the bed, listening to the rhythmic beeping of the machine that was keeping track of her mom’s heart rate, blood pressure, and oxygen level. She only knew what it was because the nice nurse had told her what all of it meant. She didn’t even know how long she had been sitting there, but she couldn’t move. If she got up, even just to go to the cafeteria with her dad, she might not be here when it happened. If she wasn’t here, she’d never forgive herself. She knew they’d been here for a long time, but the days all blended together. The date was written on her mom’s white board every day, along with the doctor and nurse’s information, and that’s the only reason Lacey even knew what day it was. She had no idea how long it had been since she’d gone to school, but she had taken to teaching herself and Aubrey. She could do it better anyway. They had always said she had a photographic memory and she knew most of the information school had ever ‘taught’ her.

  Any time now, they had said to her dad. He hadn’t known she was listening, but she had been outside the door with her ear pressed up against it. She hadn’t let her little sister Aubrey listen. She was only eight and didn’t need to know what they were saying. But Lacey did. She was twelve today, after all. It was her birthday; not that it mattered.

  She had been the one that had gotten her mom a cold washcloth for her head, some ginger ale for her upset stomach, and her medicine when she was too weak to walk. This had been her life since she was ten years old. But if the doctors were correct, and she knew that they were, her job of taking care of her mom was almost over. That made her tummy feel funny and her eyes well with tears. She tried not to cry around her mom because it made her even sadder than she already was. But her mom’s eyes were shut. She hadn’t opened them in a few days.

  Lacey remembered the day that her mom and dad sat her and Aubrey down to tell them that they had some bad news. It had been at the end of her fourth grade year. She had been ready for summer and all of the fun that came along with it. She had heard of cancer, knew that it could be deadly. At her age, she had never known anyone close to her that had died or been really sick. Even her grandparents were still healthy.

  When her mom had said the words ‘breast cancer’, Lacey remembered looking at her mom’s crumpled face, then the tears dripping from her dad’s eyes. Aubrey had only been six and didn’t really understand, only that her parents were crying. Their eyes had been trained on Lacey, watching her. She had jumped up and flung herself into her mom’s arms, sobbing so hard and so loud that she didn’t even know that it was herself.

  That day seemed like a lifetime ago. Her mom had gone through so many treatments, first a surgery to do a single side mastectomy and remove some lymph nodes, then chemotherapy, followed by radiation. After they had thought she had beat it and was going to recover, it had come back with a vengeance. Not only was it in her remaining breast, but also in her chest cavity. At that point there had been nothing they could do for her but try to make her last few months as comfortable as possible.

  Lacey and her family had spent as much time together as they could over the last two months. She had always been very close to her mom, and there were days she didn’t leave her side for more than a few minutes.

  A small movement broke Lacey out of her reverie. She stood, gripping her mom’s hand as she noticed her eyes fluttering open. That was a good sign, right? Maybe she would fool all of the doctors. Her mom would be a miracle.

  “Mom?” She hated how scared her voice sounded. She had to be brave. Her mom needed her.

  Her mom’s blue eyes, identical to hers, focused in on her, and she had to bite the inside of her cheek to keep from crying. She had to be strong. Aubrey and her dad were in the cafeteria. She needed to tell him.

  Her eyes flitted to the phone at the bedside, then looked back at her mom before she shut her eyes again. The phone would have to wait.

  “Are you okay, Mom? Are you in pain?”

  Tears filled her mom’s eyes a
nd she shook her head just enough that Lacey could see it. Lacey took her hand. She was always so cold now. Her mom sucked in a breath, the oxygen in her nose assisting her breathing.

  She opened her mouth and attempted to speak, but a harsh noise escaped instead. She looked over at the table at the water, and Lacey took a small straw full and put it on her mom’s lips and tongue. She swallowed, her mouth curling in a weak smile.

  “I love you, Mom,” Lacey choked out, losing the battle of keeping her emotions in check.

  Her mom lifted her hand and caressed her cheek, and she leaned into her like she always did. Even though she had been in a hospital bed for a long time now, she could still smell her smell; the one that comforted her, loved her, and made her feel better when she was sick.

  “Happy Birthday, Lace,” she whispered, her voice cracking a few times. “My big girl.”

  Lacey sobbed, tears streaming down her face. She had remembered. Tears began leaking from her mom’s eyes too. Even though she didn’t look the same as she did two years ago, her body ravaged by sickness, she was still her mom.

  “Mommy,” she said, something she hadn’t called her in years.

  “I’ll love you forever,” she whispered in response, her eyes closing with the effort it was taking her to talk. Lacey wanted to lay on her mom’s chest and beg for her to stay, not to leave her here like this. But she couldn’t. She knew it wouldn’t do any good. No one was listening. Not even God. But how would she take care of her dad and her sister? What were they all going to do without her mom?

  Her mom’s eyes blinked back open and she smiled thinly. “Enjoy your life, baby girl. You can do anything…” Her eyes closed, and she didn’t move.

  Lacey watched her face, frozen until she was shaken from her trance by the beeping of the machines in the room. Why were they so loud?

  “Code Blue, room 133. Code blue.”

  Before she knew it, the room was full of people and she was pulled against the wall by her dad, who held her in his strong arms as the alarm was silenced and the wires were removed.

  “Don’t do that!” she screamed at them, fighting to break free of her dad’s hold. “She’s just sleeping! Don’t turn that off! Help her! She needs medicine!”

  “Lacey, she’s gone,” her dad repeated over and over, his mouth touching her hair. “She’s not in pain anymore, honey. She’s gone.” She kicked and screamed. She had just told her Happy Birthday. They were wrong. She wasn’t gone.

  “Mommy!”

  Lacey traced the outline of her mom’s face on the picture on her nightstand, wishing for the millionth time that she was here to see her as a grown up. So many times, she wished she could pick up the phone and ask her for advice, but she’d been unable to do that for fourteen years today. Lacey wondered, as she always did, if her mom could ‘see’ her, if she knew who she was as an adult. She hoped that she did, and she often talked to her like she could, because to believe she was just gone was something she couldn’t fathom. It had gotten easier over the years, but never better. The hole that her mom left by dying was something that could never be filled by anyone. Not her ‘barely functional’ dad, her well-meaning sister, her grandparents, aunts, no one.

  When she had walked across the stage with her doctorate in Veterinary Medicine, she pretended her mom was in the audience, dabbing her eyes. When she started her first day at Kindness Animal Hospital, she wished that she could call her mom and tell her how nervous she was. But she had settled with talking to Aubrey, her little sister. Aubrey was twenty-two to Lacey’s twenty-six, and had just graduated from college with her teaching degree. She moved in with her boyfriend Jacob and was looking forward to the next part of her life. She constantly harassed Lacey about finding someone to spend her life with.

  Lacey wished it was that easy for her. She had her share of boyfriends over the years, but she never wanted anything very serious. She had goals, and none of them included being tied down to a serious boyfriend or marriage. Seeing what her dad went through after her mom died, and still to this day, showed her that sometimes love hurts more than it helps. She could say she’d never been in love before, and that was on purpose.

  Her best friend Samantha, who had turned country superstar over the last few years, had just had her baby girl recently after a whirlwind romance with her bodyguard, Ellis Warner. Lacey knew they were meant to be, but even their relationship hadn’t been without some major drama. She just couldn’t put herself through that kind of emotional trauma. She was content with just focusing on her new career. She had always loved animals; it was something that she and her mom had shared. Growing up on the outskirts of Nashville, her parents had a lot of property and her mom had taken in just about every stray animal that needed a home. She and Lacey would feed, bathe, and love all of them, and Lacey knew from a very young age what she wanted to do when she grew up.

  Now her dream was a reality. She had worked her butt off to graduate top of her class, and had gotten the job she had wanted for years, at the top veterinary practice in Nashville. She had only been there a few weeks now, but it already felt like home.

  Her phone rang and she jumped, the picture frame clattering face down on the nightstand. Seeing that it was her sister, she accepted the call, straightening the frame.

  “Hey, Aub,” Lacey said.

  “Lace,” Aubrey said back, and neither sister had to say a word. They both knew what they were feeling. Even though Aubrey had been only eight and had been sheltered from a lot of what had happened, she missed their mother with every fiber of her being as well. “Happy Birthday. Same time, same place?”

  A tear trickled down Lacey’s cheek. Today, like every anniversary over the last fourteen years, Lacey would visit the Cumberland River, where her mother’s ashes had been set free. She would listen to the breeze rustle the trees, the water lap the shore, and the wildlife moving on as if nothing had ever happened. Aubrey sometimes joined and other times didn’t, but Lacey never missed. Not once.

  “I’ll be there,” Lacey answered softly. “Right after work.”

  She finished the call as quickly as she could and finished getting ready, trying but failing to keep the sadness off of her features. Looking in the bathroom mirror, she saw her cerulean eyes sparkling; her mom’s eyes. They were framed by dark eyelashes and long, dark hair. She ran lip gloss, powder, and mascara over her face and slipped into her scrubs with the dogs on them. Giving herself one more glance, she sighed. Today was going to be a long day, but she was going to spend it doing what she loved, and she knew that her mom would be happy about that.

  “Dr. Russell, we’ve got an emergency on the way in that Dr. Jenkins would like you to assist on.” Lacey looked up from her chart at the veterinarian assistant, Chloe.

  “What kind of emergency?” Her heart fell to her stomach as she thought of what it could be. She hated emergencies.

  “Dr. Jenkins didn’t say. He just said to come get you and have you meet him in Room 1.”

  Lacey shuffled her papers back together and followed Chloe down the hall to the room. She glanced towards the front door, wondering what she was going to see.

  “Dr. Jenkins? Chloe said you needed me?”

  He looked up and smiled at her. Dr. Jenkins was the lead veterinarian here, and had been practicing medicine longer than she had been alive. He reminded her of a kind, old grandpa, but she learned right away that he was sharp as a tack and she could learn a lot from him. She was lucky he had taken to her and she spent any time she could around him.

  “Yes. I have a Rottweiler coming in that was hit by a car. He’s a regular patient and is three years old. Mr. Tucker called in and said that he has a compound fracture of his leg, so we’re going to have to prep for surgery.”

  “What’s his name?”

  “Max. He’s an easy going fella, though we want to be sure that he stays that way, since he’s in pain. He should be here any second.”

  As soon as he said that, Lacey heard commotion from the waiting room
and the door swung open to the exam room. A man, whom she presumed was his owner, carried the massive dog in his arms. She jumped into action, assessing Max as he whimpered. His femur on his front right leg was splinted, she assumed by the man who had brought him in. She muzzled Max, just a precaution, as Dr. Jenkins moved around the dog. Lacey knew he was checking him for shock, as that was something serious they saw often with compound fractures resulting from car accidents. They were also going to have to worry about infection, after they got the bone put back together.

  Dr. Jenkins gave Max a shot, and the dog’s body relaxed as the pain subsided. It was then that Lacey was able to step back and take a deep breath. Her adrenaline was high, as it always was when she saw an animal hurt or in pain. She was glad to see that it wasn’t as bad as it could’ve been, though it was still serious.

  “Is he going to be okay?” Mr. Tucker spoke up. She could hear the anguish in his voice, and she realized in the flurry of stabilizing Max, she had forgotten about him even being in there.

  Finally looking at him, she had to fight to keep her mouth from dropping open at the sight of him. Her eyes took in the work boots, the body that jeans and a tee shirt couldn’t hide, and felt a blush creeping up her cheeks. His tanned, toned arms flexed as he wrung his hands, his chiseled face serious. When her gaze reached his eyes, she thought at first that she gasped out loud, but thankfully she didn’t. His eyes were light blue, his hair a sandy, dark blonde. It looked tousled, like he had been running his hands through it.

  He was probably somewhere around her age, obviously did something right with a body like that, yet hadn’t even glanced at her. That was rather refreshing, to see a guy like him that probably had women falling at his feet so worried over his animal.

  “Brantley, Max was lucky. It seems that he is uninjured except for his leg, and he hasn’t lost too much blood thanks to your quick action. I’m going to have to do surgery to repair his leg, then monitor him for a few days for signs of infection. Can you tell me what happened?”