Twisted Paths Read online

  Twisted Paths

  Copyright © LL Collins 2015

  All Rights Reserved

  Cover Design by Marisa Shor at Cover Me, Darling

  www.covermedarling.com

  Photography by Katrina Arthurs with Raising Kane Photo Company

  www.raisingkanephotoco.com

  www.facebook.com/RaisingKanePhotoCo

  Models: Faith Danielle Godard and Steven Gibson

  Faith Danielle Godard: www.facebook.com/FaithyDanielle

  Steven Gibson: www.facebook.com/StevenGibsonModel

  Interior Design by Angela McLaurin, Fictional Formats

  No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, or by any information storage and retrieval system without the written permission of the author, except for the use of brief quotations in a book review.

  This book is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, and incidents either are products of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, events, or locales is entirely coincidental.

  Contact Author LL Collins

  www.llcollinsauthor.com

  [email protected]

  Twitter: @authorllcollins

  Facebook: www.facebook.com/llcollinsauthor

  Prologue—Blake

  Prologue—Carter

  Chapter 1

  Chapter 2

  Chapter 3

  Chapter 4

  Chapter 5

  Chapter 6

  Chapter 7

  Chapter 8

  Chapter 9

  Chapter 10

  Chapter 11

  Chapter 12

  Chapter 13

  Chapter 14

  Chapter 15

  Chapter 16

  Chapter 17

  Chapter 18

  Chapter 19

  Chapter 20

  Chapter 21

  Chapter 22

  Chapter 23

  Chapter 24

  Epilogue—Blake

  Epilogue—Carter

  Twisted Paths Playlist

  Acknowledgements

  To Kellie~ Thanks for inspiring me to write this series, and being there every step of the way in every single thing I do. I’m blessed every day to be your friend.

  I WATCHED THE girl on the dance floor, her body gyrating while she danced in circles around her friends. There was something about her that made me want to go out there and put my hands on her hips and take this a little further than dancing. She was hot, with a tight body and little clothes covering it. She seemed like she’d fit right in with the life I’d made for myself now: love ‘em and leave ‘em. And when I said love ‘em, I don’t mean that literally. There’s no love left in my heart. Not now, not ever again.

  I reached blindly for my beer bottle, slamming it back while still watching her. It might’ve been almost four years, but it never left me. The images that assaulted me at all times of the day and night made me lose myself in as many drinks as I could take. I was here with my parents at our time share, just like I was every year. Now I came to punish myself. As if my daily life wasn’t enough torture, I had to come here and relive every memory we’ve had our entire lives.

  My parents were worried about me. So were my sisters. My little brother didn’t know everything that happened, but they do. They lived it with me. I was fine; I’ve got everything under control. I was working the job I’d always wanted, and everyone said I’m going to go far in this business. I had a great work ethic and learned new things quickly. It’s just about the only thing that I had to live for, so I worked more hours and took harder projects than anyone else. Someday I will have my own shop. Because one thing in my life had to go as planned.

  So what if I enjoyed drinking and had for several years now? It numbed me and made the pain go away. And then once I passed out, I didn’t dream. Then I could continue breathing.

  I signaled the bartender for another, my eyes following the girl as she left the dance floor and headed towards me.

  “Looks like that one has her eye on you,” Shaun said from beside me. I nodded, watching her as she sauntered up to the bar. She looked over at me, and I smiled. She was gorgeous.

  “Can I buy you a drink?” I asked. She stared at me as her friends came up behind her. I didn’t care that they were looking at me like I’m their next feast. She would be mine, and tonight.

  She grinned again, dimples puckering either side of her cheeks. “Sounds good.” She settled herself on the barstool next to me. “I’m Melinda.”

  She stuck out her hand, and I clasped it. It was small and womanly, and I knew that she’s too good for me, but I couldn’t help but want her. I just had to figure out if she was okay with it being casual, because if there was one thing I didn’t do anymore, it was feelings.

  “BLAKE! GODDAMN IT, wake up!” I willed my eyes to open, but they wouldn’t listen. I had no idea who was yelling, or what the noise was that surrounded me. All I could see was black, and everything was spinning. I felt a hand clasp mine, and it felt so familiar. So right.

  “Li,” I mumbled, wondering if anything actually came out of my mouth. I couldn’t seem to feel if my mouth moved. What was wrong with me? Was I asleep? I felt rapid movement, and something pinched my arm. I tried to call out or move, but nothing happened. I fought through the fog that threatened to swallow me, trying to remember what had happened to me. I’d been in my parents’ condo, I remembered that. I’d been waiting for something…

  “He’s stable now, but we need to get him to the hospital STAT. He has alcohol poisoning, and we need to get it out before his organs start shutting down. He’s lucky. Had you not come here to find him, he probably wouldn’t have made it,” I heard the voice say. I told my eyes to open again, but they still refused to cooperate. I could feel someone’s hand still in mine, and I knew we were moving. What had they said? Alcohol poisoning? Stable? They must have been talking about someone else. I was having a bad dream and needed to wake up. I must’ve fallen asleep waiting for her to come over. Melinda. That’s who I was waiting on. It wasn’t Li at all. It never would be again. She was married and had a young child now, maybe even more. With Ronan.

  I lost the fight with myself, and the black hole sucked me under again.

  “YOU NEED HELP, Blake,” Melinda said. This time my eyes cooperated and I swung them from Melinda on one side of my bed to my parents on the other. I’d only been awake for a few minutes, but it was enough to know my whole family was there and I was in a hospital hooked up to all sorts of machines. They were all wearing the same expression: disappointment. But the look on their faces couldn’t make me feel worse than I already felt inside.

  “We almost lost you,” my mom said, her voice cracking. “If Melinda hadn’t come in, you’d be gone, Blake. Do you realize that?”

  “I don’t realize anything,” I snapped, the pain in my throat making me wince. I looked to my side and saw a water cup. They all watched me as I grabbed the cup and sipped it slowly to ease the burn. I wished I could make them disappear. I didn’t want any of them in here, looking at me like I should be pitied. “I’m fine.” I halfway wished that Melinda hadn’t found me; at least then I wouldn’t have to live this way anymore.

  “You’re fine?” Brooke stepped up. “Blake, the paramedics had to restart your heart! You weren’t breathing! And this isn’t a problem?”

  My eyes met my dad’s. “Son,” he said. “You need to check into rehab. You can’t keep doing this. You’ve been destroying yourself for too long. At some point, your life has to move on. You have so much to live for, Blake. You can’t let this ruin your life forever. Drowning yourself every day in alcohol isn’t going to bring
it all back. But what it is going to do is destroy you, for once and for all. It’s a miracle you’re alive. We can’t take that chance again.” What he didn’t say was let her ruin my life anymore, but I knew that was what he meant. This wasn’t about anything else but her. I couldn’t move on; my life couldn’t move on. Why didn’t he understand this? And I was no miracle.

  “Please,” Brianna said.

  But it wasn’t until Bennett stepped up that I felt anything. My little brother, now almost out of high school, had always wanted to be like me. I guess he knew now that being me wasn’t all it was cracked up to be. I was nothing special. “Blake,” he said. He looked like a spitting image of me, and that made me feel proud for just a moment. He could be everything I never will be. “I can’t lose my only brother, man. Please get help. We’ll all be here for you, bro. I promise. But you need to be here. For me. I need you.”

  I looked around at the faces of my family and the second beautiful girl I’d tried to destroy, and I nodded, tears running down my face. Maybe if someone could help me live without being numb, that would be better. Maybe they could somehow take away the ghosts of the past and make me whole again.

  I WATCHED MY mom as she started unpacking my things, smoothing out my shorts and shirts as she put them into my small dresser. She was doing it again. When she was nervous, she started cleaning or organizing. I didn’t need her to do any of this; she has taught me well. I’m responsible and capable. But I knew that bringing me here today would be difficult for her, so I’d let her. It was how she showed me she cared. She was rambling, but I didn’t know what she was saying. My roommate, Hayden, would be here at any time. He’d texted me about a half an hour ago. Maybe that would distract her enough to relax a little.

  I’m worried about leaving her. Which was silly, because I was only eighteen years old and what would I do to help her? But I could see it in her eyes when she thought I wasn’t looking. She’s sad and lonely. My dad was always working. I was used to it, and I respected him for the man he was, but I wished he would spend more time with her. He’s provided well for our family and he’s the reason I’m here right now, getting ready to have my own college experience. He’s been a great dad to me and I knew he loved my mom, even if he was essentially married to his job. I also knew he wanted me to have everything he and my mom had to give up, because he told me all the time. I didn’t feel guilty about that; I knew they made the choice to keep me. I felt relief because they could’ve given me away and kept their college experience. Ever since I was old enough to get ‘the talk’, he’s been telling me how choices could affect everything in your life, even when you think you’re invisible. For that reason and many others, I’ve been safe. I’ve never shared that with any girl, and I had no real intentions of sharing it any time soon. I had dreams and aspirations, and none of them included becoming a teen dad. I’d always loved working with my hands and I planned on taking that love and becoming an architect. I wanted to design modern and energy efficient custom homes and buildings. Someday, I hoped I could own my own firm. Both of my parents told me I could do whatever I put my mind to doing with hard work and determination. Since I’ve lived that example with both of them, I knew it was true.

  My mom was young. All of my friends’ moms were so much older. She’s very relatable and down to earth. She’s beautiful, and it’s always a topic of conversation between my friends and me. In some ways I hated that they drooled over her, but in others it was pretty cool. I thought she could’ve been a model. Maybe she would’ve been if she hadn’t put her life on hold for me. I knew she had gone ahead and became a teacher, but I also knew she missed out on a lot. I was grateful for her. She’d always been there for me and had encouraged me in everything. I could honestly say she was one of my best friends. We weren’t like regular mother and son.

  I realized she was standing right in front of me, peering into my eyes. I passed her in height when I was about thirteen years old. I liked to joke with her that I could put her in my pocket and carry her around. But I also knew that I’d never cross her. She’d pull out her teacher voice on me.

  “I guess I better get going,” she said, her voice wavering. I looked around my teeny dorm room and realized that this was it. I was really going to be on my own. With a roommate I’d never met before but I’d texted a bunch of times. “I guess I won’t get to meet Hayden this time.”

  I pulled her into my arms and hugged her tight. I knew she was trying to wait until she left to break down crying; she hated for me to see her upset. “I love you, Mom,” I murmured into her hair. “Thanks for all of your help. It’s been great spending these days with you. Give Dad my love, okay?”

  She sucked in a breath, then pulled away from me and smiled. I saw the shimmer of tears in her eyes, but I knew she wouldn’t let them fall. “I sure will, sweetie. I’m sorry he didn’t get to come.”

  “No problem. I know he’s busy. I’m glad you brought me.”

  She looked around, as if she was taking a mental picture of everything. I wondered if she was thinking of her own botched college experience. I knew she had gotten to stay in a dorm for one semester, and that’s where she had met my ‘Aunt’ Kinsley. They both had told me a lot about their college experiences, as limited as my mom’s were. Once I was born, it was night classes and commuting for my mom.

  “I’m headed home, then. Unless you need anything else? Want me to run to the store for you?”

  I smiled, knowing she was avoiding the inevitable. “Hayden and I are going to go when he gets here, so we can both pick out stuff. Thank you, though.”

  “I hope he’s a nice guy,” she worried, and then stopped herself. “You’re going to be just fine, Carter. Have so much fun. And know that you can call me at any time, day or night. Okay? I’m always here for you.”

  I kissed her on the cheek and pulled her close for one more quick hug. “Thank you, Mom. For everything. I’m so grateful to have you and Dad as my parents.”

  She punched me softly on the arm. “No making me cry,” she laughed. “You’re the best son I could’ve ever imagined. Sometimes I wonder what I did to deserve you. I’m so proud of you.” Now my throat clogged up with tears. Sometimes I’d wondered if it would’ve been better if I had never been born. She could’ve had the life she should’ve had. I’d never dare say that out loud to her. But selfishly, I was glad that she was my mom.

  “Get out of here,” I joked, opening the door for her. “See, now you and Dad can have your second honeymoon.”

  She laughed, shaking her head. “Please. We never got a first one.” She blew me a kiss and headed down the hallway, stopping every few doorways to look back at me. Right before the elevator doors closed, she waved one last time before she disappeared. This was it. I was a man now.

  I PULL INTO the driveway and look up at my sprawling two-story house that’s nestled quaintly in an upscale neighborhood in South Florida, palm trees lining the quiet road. I know Ronan isn’t here; it’s the middle of the day. The house is empty. Having just taken Carter to college (by myself of course, Ronan couldn’t come with us because of work—it’s always work), I feel alone. But maybe I can get him to come home early tonight and we can enjoy our first night being “empty nesters” in a creative way. Or maybe I can surprise him at his office, a fantasy he has told me about many times. That puts a smile on my face. I would’ve never thought I’d be in my mid-thirties and have a grown child, but here I am. What seems like my whole life ahead of me, yet I don’t feel that way at all.

  I know Ronan loves me; I do. We’ve been together for over twenty years, give or take the time we broke up for a few months back when we were teenagers. Before the surprise that was Carter had rocked our worlds. We’ve essentially grown up together, and despite the odds against us, we have made it this far. Ronan is a successful accountant at his own firm, Collier Accounting, and I’m a second grade teacher. I’ve always loved to teach, and it had been great for spending time with Carter as he grew up. I’m going back to wo
rk in two weeks, so at least I can throw myself into planning as I prepare for the new school year to escape the loneliness of Carter being gone.

  I’m so proud of the man he’s becoming, but I’m also sad. Ronan and I always wanted more children, but I was unable to give him another one. There was never any medical reason why, so we chalked it up to not being meant to be, and instead put our entire selves into Carter. As Ronan’s career skyrocketed and he was around less and less, Carter had kept me going. But now he’s gone, getting ready to enjoy college. I should’ve had that same experience, but instead I had done night classes and struggled through exhaustion being a new mom and trying to make a career for myself. I would never take it back, of course, but it definitely wasn’t the path I would’ve chosen for myself.

  Realizing I’m still sitting in the car staring at my house, I push the car door open and get out, the stifling August heat hitting me like a ton of bricks. Ronan and I have lived in Florida since Carter was born, following his family when they moved from Kentucky so that they could help us with being new parents. Having grown up nowhere near the beach but having vacationed every year in Sanibel Island, being in Florida is like living a constant vacation. I miss the seasons of living in Kentucky, but that’s about it. Though I haven’t been to Sanibel since that summer—it’s just too much to go there and have all the memories assuage me. It is only a few hours away, yet anytime my parents offer, Ronan is just as adamant as me that it isn’t a good idea. My last summer there had been difficult to say the least, and it’s best to leave the past where it was.

  I grab my suitcase from the trunk and haul it into the house, feeling the beads of sweat gathering on my back already. Leaving it in the foyer and grabbing the mail that Ronan has been accumulating on the table while I’ve been gone, I head for the kitchen. My stomach reminds me that I haven’t eaten since this morning. I know that the whole time I’ve been gone, Ronan has probably eaten out, so I open the freezer and find a meal I can heat up quickly. While Ronan is very talented in many things, cooking isn’t one of them.