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  “Sex on the Beach.” Yes, please. I’d take sex on the beach with her right here, right now. My eyes flitted out to the dark beach and then back to her.

  I smirked, standing up and crossing my arms in front of my chest. My black shirt stretched tight across my pecs, and I knew she appreciated them. “Coming right up, sweetheart.” I grabbed a glass and mixed the liquids together, never taking my eyes off of her. I was the master of seduction, and damn if I didn’t know it.

  “Here you go,” I slid the glass across the bar to her, winking as she dribbled some while trying to get it to her mouth. Oh, I had plans for that mouth later.

  She sucked the straw into her mouth, sending lust straight to my groin. She downed it quickly and placed the glass back on the bar. “That’s so good. I’m Geena. What time do you get off, sweet thing?”

  “It’s my first night, sugar,” I said. I’d show her that there wasn’t a fucking thing sweet about me. “Come see me in a few hours, okay?”

  She nodded. “I’ve got a room upstairs,” she offered, and I almost cheered. I knew it. “It’s just me. My friends have their own room.” Geena indicated across the bar where a few other women stood, watching us.

  I winked, mixing her up one more drink before walking to the other end of the bar. I felt her watching me before finally going back and joining her friends. Looked like I was going to have myself a good time tonight, after all.

  “Thank God you’re here,” Cal said, appearing next to me. “This place is crazy tonight!”

  “Seems to be this band bringing them in and keeping them drinking,” I said. “Do you have them booked for any more gigs? Are they local?”

  “Yeah, local enough,” Cal said. “They live about an hour away and have played here a couple of times. I think they’ve got some groupies now.” He indicated the gaggle of girls standing around, swaying back and forth to their music.

  I slid a beer across the bar and then wiped it down, ignoring what he said about groupies. “How late are we open tonight?”

  “Three,” Cal answered. “But you can take off once it slows down. I don’t want to kill you on your first night.”

  I nodded, glad that I was going to be able to get out of here before Geena was too wasted to remember what she was doing. I was all about a good time, but I wasn’t about to take advantage of a girl that wouldn’t remember consenting. I’d had enough trouble in my life. I didn’t need that, too.

  Geena unlocked the door to the hotel room with her keycard, dropping it twice before getting it in correctly. She was definitely feeling good, though not too much for me to back away. She’d been watching me all night long while dancing with her friends, making me hard as steel for no less than three hours. I knew from my inspection while we’d been in the elevator that she wore no underwear under this dress, that she was bare for me, dripping wet, and also very willing to give me what I wanted.

  “What’s your name?” Geena dropped her heels on the ground before I could tell her to keep them on.

  “Johnny,” I said, kicking my shoes off and pushing her against the door. There was no time for talking. I hiked her dress up to her waist and pulled my pants down, springing myself free. I crushed my lips to hers, tasting the many drinks she’d had. My fingers dipped into her wet pussy, making her groan into my mouth as I found her spot. One of her hands snaked down my abs and then farther, wrapping around my shaft. Her other hand ran through my hair as I continued pumping her with my fingers and assaulting her with my mouth. I broke free, scrubbing my short beard on her neck and then down her cleavage. I pushed the flimsy material aside and sucked on a bare nipple. Geena tightened on my fingers, moaning and pulling on my hair.

  I set her down on the ground, lifting her dress and tossing it, so she was naked in front of me. I turned her and pressed her against the door, rubbing my dick against her ass as she wriggled, moaning and calling out my name.

  I bent over and retrieved a condom from my wallet, rolling it on as she writhed in front of me. She’d get what she wanted in just a second. Safety was paramount in this type of situation. I gripped her hips and pounded into her, both of us grunting and moaning at intermittent times. She was hot, tight, and exactly what I needed to stop thinking.

  It was over too quickly to exercise the demons floating around in my head. Once we both got off, I disposed of the condom and walked her to the bed, laying her out so I could really see her.

  Her cheeks were flushed, and her blonde hair was fanned out behind her on the bed. Her chest rose and fell from our frantic race to the end. “Johnny,” she purred. “That was fantastic. I could do that all night long.”

  “Good,” I said, hitching her legs up on my shoulders. “Because I’m just getting started.” I closed my mouth over her, causing her to tighten her legs around my head and grab my hair. And after a few more hours of pleasure, I forgot the pain.

  I closed the bedroom door quietly and threw my wallet on the bedside table. I smelled like the bar and sex, but I was too exhausted to care. After round after round with Geena, I’d left without any issues, just the way I liked it. She was going to be around for a few more days before she went home, so I’d see her again. Thankfully, she hadn’t asked to exchange phone numbers or any of that shit. She said she’d come to the bar and we could ‘hang out’ after, and we both knew what that meant.

  The girl was talented. I only knew how old she was since I’d checked her birthdate at the bar (twenty-eight) and where she was from (Chicago), but I didn’t know what she did for a living, or what she was doing in Florida specifically. And I didn’t care. She didn’t ask me anything other than my name, which I’d heard shouted out more times than I could count tonight. I knew I was gifted in that area. Hell, it was really the only talent I had anymore.

  It was almost six in the morning, and I knew Julia would be up soon with the baby. I flopped down on the bed, my eyes trained on the ceiling. Julia’s question from earlier resonated in my head. What did I want to do with my life? From the time I’d been barely an adult, someone else had planned out my life for me. Hell, my whole life before that had been dictated, too. My parents had always wanted me to do what they wanted me to do, never encouraging my dreams or desires. Then when I left home thinking I would do what I wanted, that’s when shit got real. Getting mixed up with drug dealers and trafficking and drug rings had made me a prisoner long before I’d actually become one.

  The last two years had been the first time in my life that I’d been able to make my own decisions, and what had I done with it? I’d tended bar. I’d hooked up with many women. So many, I was embarrassed to realize I didn’t have a clue on the number. I’d shut out everyone except my sister and now her husband, Carter. I had nothing outside of this house. Yet I’d possibly alienated Julia earlier, too. All she’d wanted to do was do something nice for me, and what did I do? Run away like the pussy I was.

  When I’d seen that guitar, I’d had to get out of there. The panic attacks didn’t come as often anymore, but they still came without warning sometimes. Seeing the dream of mine all wrapped up in the smooth wood and tuned strings of the only guitar I’d ever wanted had sent me directly into one of the worst ones I could remember for a long time.

  It had taken sitting in the rental car for at least a half an hour before I felt like I could breathe again, and even once I’d made it to the bar, I’d walked the beach for another twenty minutes before I could face anyone. I’d just kept telling myself over and over that it was okay.

  My eyes settled on the chair across from my bed, and I shot up. The Gibson was sitting there, mocking me. How had I not seen that there before? It was like the elephant in the room. My chest tightened, and I looked away.

  “Stop being a pussy,” I hissed to myself. “It’s a goddamn guitar. Not a fucking drug lord ready to shoot your ass.”

  I stood up, standing in front of the chair. It was gorgeous. Everything I ever wanted was personified in this guitar. My sister knew what she was doing when she got me this.
I knew the exact amount of days it had been since the last time I’d touched a guitar. It was 5,984 days ago that I played on a stage for the last time. Before my already shit life went even further south and I lost everything.

  I reached my hand out, hating myself for the way it was shaking. I got within millimeters of touching the taut strings, my breath coming out in spurts. Just touch it, I willed my hand.

  I couldn’t do it. I dropped my hand, my eyes never leaving the smooth exterior of the beautiful guitar. I wanted so badly to pick it up and move it so I couldn’t see it anymore, but I couldn’t. I reached up and pulled my shirt off and threw it over the guitar. It covered enough to make me be able to breathe again.

  I flopped back on the bed. Light was infiltrating the blinds, but I didn’t care. I had to sleep, pronto.

  Johnny

  I stood next to Yoda, my chest heaving as I watched him threaten the thug that didn’t do what he asked in the particular way he wanted. I was the muscle behind his threat, in case the sawed off .22 in his face wasn’t effective enough. I’d never seen any of them kill anyone, but I knew it happened. I hoped to hell tonight wasn’t the night I saw it for the first time.

  Tonight’s delivery and sale hadn’t gone quite as planned, and Yoda was pissed. He was no one. Not in the grand scheme of this shitty drug ring. But he had just enough authority that he thought he was in power, and that was dangerous.

  I didn’t even know what the thug’s name was, and I didn’t want to know. It made it easier when they disappeared.

  Yoda looked over at me, and I realized I hadn’t been listening. Was I supposed to do something? If I didn’t pay attention, there would be hell to pay. I’d already learned that a time or two. My mind flashed back to Julia, her angelic face reminding me again why I was here.

  The shot went off before I could even shift my thoughts from Julia. I felt the splatter against my face, and my stomach rolled. I heard the sound of maniacal laughing. The thug lay crumpled on the ground, his face splattered behind him on the wall.

  Yoda grabbed me, shoving the .22 under my chin. “You want to be next, Frat Boy? What the hell is your problem?” We all had nicknames, and somehow mine had become Frat Boy. I hated it, but it wasn’t like you could tell them not to call you that. Unless you wanted it to be the last thing you ever said.

  My eyes snapped to his. No. I couldn’t be next. “No problem,” I forced my voice to say.

  “Next one is yours.” He couldn’t make me do this. He wouldn’t. But I already knew if he said it, he would.

  “Please, no,” I mumbled over and over. But he could no longer hear me. He was on the phone, telling one of the higher ups he had done his job.

  I reached out, gripping onto the unknown assailant, the word ‘no’ falling off of my lips. I pushed my fingers into soft flesh, willing them to get away from me. They couldn’t make me. I wasn’t going to do it.

  “Johnny.” The whimpered voice sounded so much like Julia. They were just trying to mess with me. They knew who she was.

  I squeezed harder, my eyes refusing to open to see what they were going to do to me. I had to get away.

  “Johnny!” My eyes snapped open. Julia’s eyes filled with tears. I was gripping her upper arms with all of my strength. I let go, sitting up so quickly she stumbled back.

  “Oh, my God. Julia.” She stood next to my bed, holding her hands on what would probably end up being bruises on her arms. “I’m sorry, Jules. Are you okay?”

  She nodded, biting her lip to keep from crying. I stood, wrapping my arms around her. I hurt my own sister.

  “I was dreaming, Jules. I’m so sorry. I can’t . . . I hurt you. I’m a monster.”

  She pulled back. “I’m fine, Johnny. I heard you calling out while I was feeding Calia, and I wanted to make sure you were okay. What’s going on?”

  “I . . . Julia . . . I’ve never . . .” I shook my head. I couldn’t stay here. What if I did something terrible? Hell, I already had. “Where’s Carter? I need to talk to him.”

  “No.” Julia shook her head. “I’m fine, Johnny. You didn’t know. It was my fault for interrupting your nightmare. You didn’t hurt me.”

  I lifted her hands off of her arms and saw large red marks where my fingers had been pressing into her soft skin. “Yes, I did. Julia. I’m so sorry.”

  She pushed my hands off. “What were you dreaming about?”

  I still couldn’t believe I’d hurt my sister, the very person I’d sworn to protect at all costs. I was an asshole. I didn’t deserve her. I couldn’t be around her or Calia. What if I did something to hurt either one of them? I’d never forgive myself.

  “Nothing. Julia, I can’t stay here.”

  Her eyes widened. “What do you mean? Of course, you can stay here. I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have . . .”

  “Don’t say you’re sorry,” I snapped. “I hurt you. I shouldn’t be here. Carter should kick my ass.”

  She snorted. We both knew Carter kicking my ass would not happen, but I’d let him. I deserved it. “You stop this nonsense. You’re my brother. I’m here for you.” Julia perched on the edge of the bed. “I want to be there for you, Johnny. Talk to me.”

  “Let’s get you an ice pack so they won’t bruise,” I said, ignoring her prodding. I pushed past her towards the kitchen, getting out two small ice packs and wrapping them in towels. When I turned, she was standing behind me, her shirt barely covering the angry red marks.

  I pressed an ice pack to each arm, her looking up at me like she used to do while I bandaged her bloody knees from falling off of her bike. She’d been the most adorable little girl, but not graceful.

  “Where’s Carter?”

  Julia blinked. “It’s okay, Johnny. He’s at the office already.”

  “I need to talk to him.”

  “I’ll take care of it.”

  I removed one of the ice packs. “You have marks on your skin from me, Julia. If my wife . . .” I trailed off, the word so foreign on my lips it made me stop talking. It was almost comical. My wife. I’d never utter those words for real to anyone, so it was safe. But still. I’d kill someone for touching my sister, and yet I was the one that had done it.

  “Do you have nightmares a lot?”

  I sighed. She wasn’t going to let this go. I looked over at the clock on the oven and saw it was just a little after eight in the morning. I’d been asleep less than two hours. “Yes.”

  “You should see someone. Carter’s mom has this friend that’s a psychologist.”

  “No.” I said it a little too loud, but I wasn’t going there. Not now. Not ever. No damn shrink was going to get into my head and tell me how fucked up I was. I already knew. And there was no way in hell I would ever tell anyone the things that lived inside me. The things I’d done and had done to me.

  “Just think about it,” Julia continued softly as if I hadn’t been behaving like a prick. My sister was such an amazing soul and had done nothing but try to help me. Yet I still couldn’t accept it. Being here in her house was enough, and even that was going to stop. I’d find somewhere else to stay so it wasn’t possible that I’d hurt her ever again.

  “Your past is your past, Johnny. Let it go. It’s time to move on from it. If you can’t do that yourself, there’s no shame in getting help to do it. Carter saw her after his car accident and finding out Ronan wasn’t really his dad.”

  I stared at Julia, the anger that was coming to the surface almost too much to contain. She means well, Johnny. Breathe. She finally stepped back and removed my hands from her arms. She looked down at the discoloration. They were lighter, but would probably still bruise. My sister was going to have bruises on her arms from me. And when Carter saw them later, I’d let him punch me. It was only fair. I welcomed the pain.

  I needed to go to the gym. Carter had told me which one he went to, so I could type it into my GPS and find it. It sounded good to beat the shit out of something for a few hours, even with no sleep.

  “I love you.”
I pressed my lips to her forehead. “I’m going to the gym.”

  I walked out of the kitchen and back to my room, knowing she was watching me the whole time.

  “You know anyone that has a place to rent? Just a studio, a small one bedroom?”

  Cal looked over at me, then back at his counts. “I have an open room. Not sure how you feel about having a roommate.”

  As long as you don’t wake me up from a nightmare, we’ll be good. “Really? Even if I’m only here temporarily?”

  Cal nodded. “Yeah. I think we’d get along well and as long as you aren’t a total slob, well, that’s good with me.”

  Julia was going to be so mad at me, but I had to do it. I couldn’t chance next time doing something worse than bruising her arms. “Thanks, man. I appreciate it.”

  “Things not working out with your sister?”

  “Nah, I just want to give them their space, you know? She has a baby, and my schedule with me coming in at all hours just isn’t fair to her.”

  “Don’t I know it,” Cal said. “This place is why my girlfriend dumped me a few months ago. She worked during the day, and we literally went weeks without seeing each other.”

  I assumed Cal was a few years younger than me though I didn’t ask, and I didn’t care. I was sure he had a story, but asking him meant him asking me, and that was a no-go. He was a nice looking guy, with light brown hair, brown eyes, and was tan and cut. I had at least four inches on him, though.

  A girl came up in a bikini, if you wanted to call it that. We were in between the lunch and dinner rushes. She looked at both of us and then set her sights on Cal. I guessed she liked the more clean cut look, not my tatted up arms and chest.

  “Hey, sexy. Can I get a piña colada?”

  I almost groaned at the memory of the lady in Denver, but at least here we were on the beach. The look in Cal’s eyes as he snapped them to me and then back to her told me he was interested. I wondered how many girls hit on him on a daily basis and what he did about it. Today was only day two for me, and on day one I’d already partaken in what the beach had to offer. He’d said he was newly single, so what did he have to lose?